Mornings are the best time to write. For me, it’s the time when your brain juices flow the most. Comparing it to writing prime time or late night thoughts, thoughts in the morning, in my opinion, are the happiest. I’m not sure if it’s the effects of daylight since I haven’t read anything yet about their correlation. But you agree with me, right? Don’t get me wrong though, I’m never a morning person. But today, I’m writing this as I see the sun from my apartment window as it shines brightly.
As much as I want to keep this online journal aflame, the increasing demand for time inside the hospital keeps me from doing it. For the past two months, we, with all my comrades and future colleagues, all felt like slaves of our ambitions. It’s every damn day that I’ll be spending the most of it either beside my patients or reporting to medical residents or facing an Internal Medicine book. Work for ten hours. The next day, you’re on duty. Thirty-six freakin’ hours. Why wouldn’t I pack everything from my apartment and just live inside the hospital? It’s actually possible. Anyone, provided that you’re weird, crazy, and so much willing, could live inside the quarters. I mean, come on. We have comfy beds. We have clean bathrooms and toilets. Food is essentially everywhere. You may just make a quick sneak in your apartment if you need to iron your clothes or replenish your supplies. Damn it. I wonder how much my utility bills would decline after two months.
Now where were we?
In a span of two months, it felt like Internal Medicine pulled everything away from me. It ate my social life, if there’s any. It took the time that I used to spend with my family. It took away my time with Berna. It transiently carried my passion for cooking and photography away from me. Even the minutest time that I give for reading literature and comic books was compromised. Son of a… Good thing IM took away my interest in pursuing the field and becoming a cardiologist as well . IM is exhausting, folks. Now that it’s over, it’s finally over. I guess I’ll just see IM again in a few months in my senior internship…probably for the last time. Ever.
Some days of internship would be really heartbreaking. Father was really concerned about me. One day, Mother told me that Father had a really heavy heart as he left for his job abroad. It was because of me, as he consistently saw me leave the house early in the morning when the sun’s still down and return home next day when it has already set. “Kawawa naman ang anak ko,” (“My poor son.“) he always told me as I arrive home. I’m okay, Father. I am happy.
Good thing that chapter in my clerkship already lies deep in the grave. I enjoyed it. I learned a lot. But it was tiring and troublesome, especially if you feel that you weren’t made for IM. I don’t know. Maybe it’s is just not for me. This rotation however proved and further fueled my passion for Surgery. Thanks to all the challenging IM days!
These photos showcase the highlights of my two-month stay inside the walls of Internal Medicine. (Click on each photo to enlarge)
Maybe you’re wondering how I managed to spend some time writing today. If you’d see me a few weeks ago, it looked and felt like I already live in the hospital. Today, believe it or not, my beloved weekends came back.